I’ve been so busy that I’ve barely been on Substack, but I was alarmed when I saw someone who I follow complaining about Glennon being on here. I thought to myself “Isn’t she a writer and an incredible human who also has a right to make a social media account? Why is this otherwise witty and wise woman criticizing her? Why criticize GLENNON and not Pamela Anderson?! Wtf is going on?!!!”
And now that I’ve read your article, it makes so much sense. It even makes sense why there wasn’t such a Kerfuffle about Pamela- she’s within the realm of bigness and controversy that we can handle. She’s not wearing makeup but she’s still a “good girl” (and she’s not as threatening as when she was young). I could go on and on, but really I want to say thank you for putting language and an explanation behind what I was seeing.
There is space for EVERYONE here, the question is whether or not we will allow and support each other in having it.
It’s such a good book and I am grateful to you for articulating this. Glennon may be beyond famous, but I’ve been the scapegoat and the enforcer. It’s so internalized we don’t see it. To change this dynamic, we have to name it.
I think there's another factor at work here. Because women who break the rules have often brought punishment to women as a group, many women unconsciously believe rule breakers will get us all in trouble. That women as a group will pay a price.
Patriarchal societies punish women as a group when too many women transgress their gender norms and boundaries. Backlash, witch hunting, rolling back of women's rights, etc.
The internet and its women can have themselves and their disdain for other women and all the men. In real life, at least my life, there is no such thing as a kind woman. There is no sisterhood and no support, just endless jockeying for status points with the PTA and rec sports associations. It is exhausting trying to befriend women or be part of a group of women. They police you and expect you to get in line right away, too many faux pas and you’re out, and ignorance of their ever mutable social rules is no excuse.
When people write about these mystical mythical communities of women who support each other, I remember that Fantasy is a genre too.
Best wishes on your mission to change women’s nature. Women hate other women and tear them down, always. When you’re a little girl you learn quickly whether you’re acceptable to them main group, and from kindergarten onwards they enforce the bounds and keep you in your place safely outside of their circles. Women do not mentor other women so much as neuter and redirect them away so attention can stay in Number One at all times.
I've had a lot of experiences with supportive women in my network. We aren't all tearing each other down. It's only the ones that inspire envy (indicating something we might want) that truly challenge us. We aren't changing our natures, we're changing the way we've been conditioned. That's important to do if we ever want to face up to the lies of patriarchy.
Thanks for this. I was shocked to see Glennon come and go so quickly, and wasn't aware of why this happened. LOVE Elise Loehnen's "On Our Best Behavior." So uncomfortably accurate. I've been leaning into the curiosity of my own envy these days, and letting it lead me to what I truly want, even if the conditioned impulse is to critique a woman who already has it... not easy, but worth it. ✨
When I was about 19 or 20, I became aware that I was jealous of other women. I started noticing how my brain went wild making up who she was, what was wrong with her, why I should stay away from her/judge her. I was shocked at my own meanness. I decided that every time I felt jealous, I would make myself go talk with the women if at all possible. What an experiment! I learned that most women were just like me. That became a phrase I relied on often when I noticed myself judging others: just like me. Now, I don’t struggle with this issue. I still have feelings of jealousy but my brain training kicks in. I can recognize what is happening and remind myself that she is probably just like me and that there is room enough for everyone at the table.
Agree, it is about seeing and recognizing where we have internalized patriarchy and how we police other women. I can say, even carry out misogyny.
Interesting. I hadn’t heard about the Glennon Doyle debacle. I have seen grumbles about ‘another big name’ coming to Substack though.
Thanks for the book recommendation, I’ve downloaded a copy.
I think about this a lot.
Seeing it and then saying it has got to be two-thirds of the way to stopping it. Thanks for this.
I’ve been so busy that I’ve barely been on Substack, but I was alarmed when I saw someone who I follow complaining about Glennon being on here. I thought to myself “Isn’t she a writer and an incredible human who also has a right to make a social media account? Why is this otherwise witty and wise woman criticizing her? Why criticize GLENNON and not Pamela Anderson?! Wtf is going on?!!!”
And now that I’ve read your article, it makes so much sense. It even makes sense why there wasn’t such a Kerfuffle about Pamela- she’s within the realm of bigness and controversy that we can handle. She’s not wearing makeup but she’s still a “good girl” (and she’s not as threatening as when she was young). I could go on and on, but really I want to say thank you for putting language and an explanation behind what I was seeing.
There is space for EVERYONE here, the question is whether or not we will allow and support each other in having it.
It’s such a good book and I am grateful to you for articulating this. Glennon may be beyond famous, but I’ve been the scapegoat and the enforcer. It’s so internalized we don’t see it. To change this dynamic, we have to name it.
Thank you for this article. It's vocalised some of the ick I've been feeling about all this in a far more eloquent way ❤️
I appreciate your perspective.
I think there's another factor at work here. Because women who break the rules have often brought punishment to women as a group, many women unconsciously believe rule breakers will get us all in trouble. That women as a group will pay a price.
How have women who break the rules brought punishment to others?
Patriarchal societies punish women as a group when too many women transgress their gender norms and boundaries. Backlash, witch hunting, rolling back of women's rights, etc.
💔💔💔
The internet and its women can have themselves and their disdain for other women and all the men. In real life, at least my life, there is no such thing as a kind woman. There is no sisterhood and no support, just endless jockeying for status points with the PTA and rec sports associations. It is exhausting trying to befriend women or be part of a group of women. They police you and expect you to get in line right away, too many faux pas and you’re out, and ignorance of their ever mutable social rules is no excuse.
When people write about these mystical mythical communities of women who support each other, I remember that Fantasy is a genre too.
Best wishes on your mission to change women’s nature. Women hate other women and tear them down, always. When you’re a little girl you learn quickly whether you’re acceptable to them main group, and from kindergarten onwards they enforce the bounds and keep you in your place safely outside of their circles. Women do not mentor other women so much as neuter and redirect them away so attention can stay in Number One at all times.
I've had a lot of experiences with supportive women in my network. We aren't all tearing each other down. It's only the ones that inspire envy (indicating something we might want) that truly challenge us. We aren't changing our natures, we're changing the way we've been conditioned. That's important to do if we ever want to face up to the lies of patriarchy.
Thanks for this. I was shocked to see Glennon come and go so quickly, and wasn't aware of why this happened. LOVE Elise Loehnen's "On Our Best Behavior." So uncomfortably accurate. I've been leaning into the curiosity of my own envy these days, and letting it lead me to what I truly want, even if the conditioned impulse is to critique a woman who already has it... not easy, but worth it. ✨
When I was about 19 or 20, I became aware that I was jealous of other women. I started noticing how my brain went wild making up who she was, what was wrong with her, why I should stay away from her/judge her. I was shocked at my own meanness. I decided that every time I felt jealous, I would make myself go talk with the women if at all possible. What an experiment! I learned that most women were just like me. That became a phrase I relied on often when I noticed myself judging others: just like me. Now, I don’t struggle with this issue. I still have feelings of jealousy but my brain training kicks in. I can recognize what is happening and remind myself that she is probably just like me and that there is room enough for everyone at the table.